A Little Light....Maybe?!

About two weeks ago I was told I would be receiving a picture of a child that is up for adoption due to family situations--other than that knew nothing of this child. I waited and the picture didn't come and didn't come. I just stopped checking the email figuring it would be there in due time and the fact that our family has been busy with everything from me finishing up my MSW, to the kids' sports, to everyone being sick--things have been crazy. Last night around 3:30 am Maddison woke up for the second night in a row sick. After getting her medicine and putting her back to sleep I decided to check our email. Why not...I was already awake. :) To my surprise there was a message from our contact and two pictures of a little girl attached. Other than her being two yrs old we know little else about her.
I hesitate to document this because of the fear that this won't work out for one reason or the other. I didn't look at the picture of the little girl months ago for the same reason I'm hesitant to speak about this one until we are fairly certain it will come through....I don't want to get my hopes up or the hopes of our children and then something happen. On the other hand this is our story...this is the path we have to take. And I know in the end we will want to revisit the path including the bumps in the road that brought our family together--whether this is our little girl or not.

Proceed with Caution

So as many have already figured out....life can't be planned.  I suppose I'm a little behind in figuring that out. lol  So here we are--still waiting, but oddly enough I'm okay with that.  I suppose it is when you finally surrender to the fact that there is a plan bigger than yourself you find comfort in the plan.  To be honest I don't know what will happen--maybe we will end up with two children or maybe one at a time?  Maybe the child with be from Nepal or not?  I don't know the answers. 

As of recently the country of Nepal is in agreement to make changes in its adoption process.  I'd hope this is good, but could be bad in that it becomes impossible to get through all the regulations.  So right now we are still in the same place as we wait for a private adoption.  I received word that their are two children up for private adoption.  Other than they are very young we know very little.  I was told today that pictures would be sent soon!  By the way--does anyone know the definition of soon? lol  I hesitate to get to excited because of the uncertainty, so for now we will proceed with caution.

Mary Did You Know

This morning in church Pastor was speaking on making room for miracles.  Looking at Mary the mother of Jesus, would she have given birth if her heart wasn't ready to recieve a miracle?  I don't know the answer, but it did get me thinking about our lives and the miracles God has for our family and the miracles He has already given us.  I count my blessings as I look at the family God has given Zack and I and beyond that as we are blessed with so much more.  It also makes me wonder of the miracles 2011 holds for us.  Concerning the adoption, our friend has now gone back to Nepal, as of Tuesday.  So now we continue waiting and praying for our children.  As I stated a few months back he did bring a picture of a little girl, but I was unsure if I'd even look at it.  Well, neither Zack or I ever did and I'm glad we didn't, although I'm still curious.

 This morning I heard the song, "Mary Did You Know" for the first time this Christmas season.  It has been one of my favorites for years.  The words are amazing!  Have you thought about the pressure Mary was under to raise the Son of God?  Sometimes my kids try telling me "like it is" and I say something like "you have no idea what your talking about".  Not that I think Jesus would tell His mom how it is,(lol) but can you imagine raising a child that really did have all the right answers?  Not a job I'd want! lol  Its hard enough being a parent.  But the words of that song are amazing as it speaks of kissing the One who would come to save the world or the One who would walk on water.  I think so often we take for granted that we are raising the next missionary, the next teacher, or the next ambassador.  I know there is a reason God has given us our two children and has laid this adoption on our hearts.  It makes me wonder as I tuck them good night or say a prayer for them thousands of miles away who am I kissing?

Mary Did You Know

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has come to make you new?
This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy will calm the storm with His hand?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little Baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know.. 
The blind will see.
The deaf will hear.
The dead will live again.
The lame will leap.
The dumb will speak
The praises of The Lamb.

Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your Baby Boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know
that your Baby Boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great, I Am.

Little Reminders

Many people would say in "everyday life" situations I'm a realist.  I'm very aware of the potential outcomes and I've got a plan.  I'm not caught off guard very often.  However, for those who know me well and love me inspite of it (lol) know that I have a very larger than life side as well.  I dream big!  I can't tell you the number of times I come up with a "grand idea" without considering the details.  Thankfully, my wonderful husband is there to help me pull it off after it started or straighten it out before it begins. Lol Trust me, my craziness has caused my family to just look at me nod and smile.  You know that look...the one that says, "Oh no! What's next?"  Although it makes life a lot of chaotic fun, it also comes with its share of lessons.  I've definitely thought of a lot of creative ways to raise money for this adoption, but on the down side I've also struggled with relinquishing my control.  I'm a planner and feeling totally out of control is very difficult.
I'm always surprised how God puts little reminders in our lives that tell us He is still here.  These last couple days I've been full of doubt.  I doubted everything from people's intentions to God's plan.  But God is faithful, even in our doubt.  Little Reminder #1 In the last day or so I found out my childhood best friend and her family is planning to adopt for the second time.  They adopted, a few years ago, a little boy from Guatemala.  And I'm certain they would say it was one of the most amazing experiences of their lives.   I'm so excited to have her here to walk through this with me.  The friend that knows the stupid stuff you did as a teenager and can call your bluff?  Yeah! That’s her! lol You know when you're teenagers and you dream of growing up, getting married, and having children?  There's nothing like being pregnant at the same time as your best friend...kinda like that!  I can't wait.
On the same note, we heard from our Nepali contact today and it made my day!  I'm sure I'm driving him crazy!! lol He is still in the United States, but very busy.  He called to tell me his good friend from Nepal is now in the United States.  Yes I'm very excited!  This friend is very influential in a large orphanage in Nepal.  Our contact spoke with him about our situation and he said he would help match us with our children.  How amazing to have two contacts from such a little known country.  Because Nepali adoptions can only take place if abandonment can be proved, this is a very big deal.  I'm looking forward to speaking with them both tomorrow. :)

Clearing Up Confusion

I knew, when we first started this process, the question would be ask--"How are you able to adopt from Nepal?  Isn't it a closed country?"  Well it was asked today, so I thought there maybe others wondering the same thing.  Yes in away the country is closed.  In short, the US isn't thrilled with Nepal's adoption procedures because at some point children who were kidnapped, or something along those lines, were ending up in orphanages.  So basically children who really had homes were being placed all over the world.  From my understanding parents who were missing their children were looking for them in the orphanages.  So in an effort to protect all families, the US has put a hold on adoptions, until Nepal makes some changes.  Now here is why I say its "in a way" closed.  Adoptions are still possible if they are done through a private citizen.  The thing is most people don't have a personal relationship with someone in a closed country and therefore; have to go through an orphanage.  Now because we have a friend there this is going to be possible.  However, it does come with its share of challenges....there has to be one biological parent because that parent has to sign his/her rights away.  The child cannot be orphaned because it could be a kidnapped child and the parents are looking for him/her.  On top of that the parent has to present with a legitimate reason to give up the children.  To simply say because I want them to live in the USA doesn't cut it.  For example, the mother could have several children and is w/o work and they are starving....that's a legitimate situation.  So yes this process is unique, but our contacts in Nepal and our agency say YES it can be done with sincere certainty.

One Picture

Last night I slept very little.  Partly because Zack is out of town, but also because of the face of a little girl.  Last night I talked to our friend and he had brought a picture of a little girl around two who is living with relatives because her father has never been a presence in her life and her mother couldn't handle parenting for one reason or another.  We've been praying and know our heart is for a sibling set.  Our contact had information of siblings, but for one reason or another it wasn't going to work out for us and those specific children so he thought of this little girl.  I don't know why our heart is set on such a path.  I wish I had the answer.  Then, as I began to play God, I thought maybe we can get this little girl and also get a boy from the private orphange.  I called our agency-Families Through International Adoption- who informed me that even though the children could be in the same orphanage we would have to go through two adoption process, where as if they were siblings we'd only have to go through the one.  Really, even when I made the call I felt an uneasiness, as though I was taking things into my own hands.  So much for playing the roll of God.  The good that has come out of this is we have made a new contact in Nepal.  He is actually the director of one of the orphanages in Nepal.  I knew this road wasn't going to be an easy one.  After all it hasn't been easy for anyone else who has adopted, so why would it be any different for us.  Right now I'm not sure I'll even look at the little girls picture that my friend brought with him.  How can I look at a picture of a baby that desperately needs me and my family and say no you aren't the one?  My only peace is knowing that God has a plan for her as well and by intervening in a "God plan" that wasn't mine anyway I would be taking from her blessings.  I know there is a family for her too.

A Visit From a Friend

We are expecting a friend from Nepal to get into Louisville in the next few hours!  This isn't just any friend!  This is the man that is matching us with our Nepali miracles....actually God is....you know what I mean lol.  Anyway I won't be mentioning his name because of the volatility of the Nepali government and the persecution of Christians.  Maybe I'm being overly cautious, but you never know who is reading what on the world wide web.  Never the less he is a man that my family has grown to respect.  We met him through the church we use to attend as the church sponsored a sister church in Nepal.  This man and his wife are the pastors of one of those churches.  Really the story is pretty amazing.  Several years ago God put Nepal on the heart of our then pastor, who brought it before the church as a group project. Over the years the ministry has grown by leaps and bounds.  I stand in awe knowing that before the sister church was even started--many years ago--God knew that it would one day lead us to our children.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my friend has brought pictures of our children! 
On a different note....I just had to laugh at Noah tonight.  It has been fire safety week at school, so he is learning all about firetrucks and stop, drop, and roll.  Before bed we read some books sent home from school, on the topic, and in one of the books there was a dalmatian.  He looked at Maddison and said, "Do you know what they call that dog?" Maddison said, "No what?"  He replied, "A A8"  I said "What?  I think you mean a K9." lol  He said, "No that's not what my teacher told me!"  Maybe I should have a talk with his teacher in the morning. lol  It sounds along the same lines as Maddison telling me after church last week, "We learned about Abracadabra." Me: "What?" Maddison: "Yeah he wants you to eat bad food." Me: "Really?" Maddison: "Yes but God said to drink only water." Me: "Oh do you mean King Nebuchadnezzar?" lol